Lehman Brothers for Auction on Ebay: Current Bid: Way more than realistic Market Value

Lehman Brothers Ebay Auction - History in the Making

Ebay took down the auction Monday morning (I guess they don't work weekends). Need a shorter link to this page? Try using http://turl.ca/lehman

Some person put Lehman Brothers up as a (presumably) fake auction on Ebay. Now of course, people try to sell all sorts of worthless junk on Ebay, so I guess this isn't much different.

But the Questions and Answers posted are hilarious, so here they are, nice and archived forever.

Ebay - Lehman Brothers Auction Questions & Answers:

Q: Since I live in New York, will you waive the shipping charge? Sep-14-08
A: OK but just this once
Q: Reichsmarks accepted if I win the bid? Sep-14-08
A: Ja, but only if transportable in wheel barrows.
Q: Should I be the successful bidder, can you guarantee that all the corporate hottie, can't type, can't spell, oh, um, "personal assistants" will be retained for the new administration? Sep-14-08
A: if you have to ask .... you are not a serious buyer
Q: What will you accept as collateral? I have Enron Class C paper and several reams of Washington Mutual letterhead. Sep-14-08
A: now your talking --- Q. where is Enron paper traded?
Q: Can I demote the CEO to a janitor after I make this purchase? Sep-14-08
A: we expect you will be working along side him.
Q: Does it come with that life sized inflatable punch bag of Alan Greenspan Sep-14-08
A: Yes and if you act now we'll throw in an inflatable Bernanke and Paulson
Q: How many years do you allow for payment if using the PayPal Easy Monthly Payment Plan? Sep-14-08
A: Best offer gets this puppy.. you can do better than that.
Q: My office is across the hall from a Lehman branch. There is a cute blonde receptionist by the name of Halley that works there. Is she included in this sale? Sep-14-08
A: This would be a separate transaction between you and Halley, however as the prestigious owner of an investment bank ... you have the wind at your back
Q: My mother says she'll send you a note promising to send you my allowance for the next three years- would this be acceptable payment? Sep-14-08
A: please send info on your mother asap
Q: Will you toss AIG in with it as a bonus item? Will the Federal Reserve help with the auction fees? Sep-14-08
A: AIG = All Is Good ... of course.. though we do not own them. Reserve no can do
Q: If I buy this and it all goes bad, will the Federal Reserve give me unlimited funds to make it all better? How much dummy spitting would I need to do? Sep-14-08
A: not this time a lot
Q: Can I pay with shares of WAMU or AIG? Sep-14-08
A: no .. we don't have time to look at their book(s)(s)
Q: How about the toxic mortgage securities and all of the debt? Is that included? Sep-14-08
A: duh
Q: Will I still be expected to pay executives large performance bonuses, or have they already taken all the money? Sep-14-08
A: Yes to both questions
Q: I'm a little short on cash right now, would you be willing to finance my purchase? Sep-14-08
A: we are considering a COO right now (see earlier response) you can be asst. COO
Q: Does it come with any pie? I like Pie. 87 peices please. Sep-14-08
A: yea
Q: Does this auction include the corporate yatch? Corporate jet? Sep-14-08
A: and the corporate T shirts mugs, pens etc.
Q: Does Dick Fuld come with this lot and, if so, will come with options? Sep-14-08
A: Dick is available though you will have to negotiate with him. at this point we have no options.. (chapter 11)
Q: Can I forcibly eject the current home owners? Sep-14-08
A: the rats have already left the bldg.
Q: If I purchase LEH, can I use my '78 Chevy Nova (currently on blocks) for collateral (a few $B) at the Fed begging window? Sep-14-08
A: see earlier comments -- doesn't Nova mean no go?
Q: What if I want just one of the brothers -- do I get my choice of which brother? I want the one who's all bullish. The bearish one scares me. Also, do you accept Paypal? Merrill Lynch stock certificates? IOUs? Sep-14-08
A: as is all brothers included as well as Fernando valley N. of 101
Q: Will the seller accept payment in the form of a post dated check, some level 3 assets i valued myself at 1 billion, and a promisary note? Sep-14-08
A: hmmmmm.
Q: can i take this thing out back and shoot it if i win the bid? Sep-14-08
A: once you buy --- it's your Ol' Yeller
Q: Has the State of Alaska made any offers on the item yet? Sep-14-08
A: it has been earmarked
Q: Can you take Visa or do you prefer paypal? Sep-14-08
A: priceless..
Q: I'm ready to bid, can I look at the books first? How many sets of books are there? Sep-14-08
A: there is one set of books you snide buyer. However books are for losers
Q: Will you be willing to accept a stock swap as part of the purchase price? I have tons of Freddie Mac common stock shares to throw in, if you would only value them at, say, 1/2 of what they were worth a few months ago... Sep-14-08
A: sorry, cash , money order, or equivalent value in time shares are what we're looking at at the moment
Q: Will I have more houses than McCain if I win this bid? Sep-14-08
A: more houses, more wives, more votes, more fun, more zeal, more Palins
Q: If you end the auction early I will refinance my house and pull out my equity to pay you cash. Then I will just foreclose on my house so I don't have to pay anything for it. Sep-14-08
A: Your application for COO is being currently considered
Q: is any Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac stock included or are they so worthless it is not a consideration????????? Sep-14-08
A: ?
Q: is any Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac stock included or are they so worthless it is not a consideration????????? Sep-14-08
A: you tell me mr. smartie
Q: Could you ship everything/everyone to Zimbabwe? They could really use their expertise in money matters. - Do you accept Paypal? Sep-14-08
A: send check or money order (ZWB) to Mr. Mugabe
Q: How many brothers, exactly, are we bidding on? If I buy Merrill Lynch too will you combine shipping? Sep-14-08
A: shipping is not included
Q: Hi, I am interested, do you have photos of those properties? Dick Flud is included in the package too? Is paypal accepted? :-) Thanks, Dimond Sep-14-08
A: hell we never had the photos Dick is on sick leave Pay pal, credit pal, swap pal ... whatever turns you on.
Q: Hello Lehman Brothers, I was wondering, I just received $25,000,000,000.00 of the U.S. Taxpayer's money via the FEDERAL Government to do an INDIRECT BAILOUT... Shsssh! Is this BAILOUT OFFER PRICE Acceptable, since I know the U.S. Greenback is becoming worthless to Americans and the World? Thanx, Ron Paul Sep-14-08
A: Ron, We appreciate your offer, but this is only offered to idiots at the moment
Q: I assume I can use my LEH stock as a down payment. Sep-14-08
A: you bet
Q: What a great deal if it includes the paperclips. When will you be listing Washingtom Mutual, and Wachovia? Sep-14-08
A: actually we hope to offering the S&P 500 in 09
Q: 1) If I buy this with my eBay Mastercard and default on the payment, will the Fed bail out eBay? 2) I see I only get $200 of buyer protection from you. Can you recommend a bank that will provide an eBay default swap that will insure me if you don't deliver? Thanks Sep-14-08
A: Fed's busy with other bailouts at the moment. We may only be worth $200 at this point
Q: I assume I can use my LEH stock as a down payment. Sep-14-08
A: sure .. that's how we built this ship
Q: i would like to bid 44billion and 1 cent more than B of A offer for merryl lynch but ebay said my ofer os too big. Do you have a buy it now price? Sep-14-08

at this point it's buy it please



Question & Answer Answered On
Q: May I a make a deposit on the transaction with viable sperm? This can be collateralized at the FED as of today, thank you. Sep-14-08
A: wrong bank
Q: Will I be able to write this purchase off my taxes, or will I have to register as a Republican first? Sep-14-08
A: both
Q: Can I pay in Canadian Tire Money? How about a post dated Zimbabwe Currency cheque? Sep-14-08
A: We need to check with our accountants at Anderson about this
Q: is it a good idea to kiss on the first date??? Sep-14-08
A: depends on who you are kissing
Q: Does this acution include all Lehman's CDOs and other mortgage paper? Sep-14-08
A: and their liabilities...as said this is as is.
Q: Yes, I would like to buy Lehman Bros. Will you take a two-party, out-of-state check? I do have a 100 percent Ebay feedback rating and a 740 FICO score. Sep-14-08
A: sure...
Q: Did Sarah Palin put you up to this? Sep-14-08
A: no but Willow and Trac were involved in due diligence
Q: Will you gaurantee your bad paper?I only want your assets. Sep-14-08
A: talk to your senator
Q: What is your position on value derivatives? Sep-14-08
A: your guess is as good as ours hat's why we are motivated sellers at this point
Q: Will I get to hang around an watch or will I have to help the bk movers. Sep-14-08
A: It's your choice
Q: I was wondering if you had any other items like this. I'm looking for something with more real estate locations on the west coast. Sep-14-08
A: Please see ML,BK, BA, and then look overseas where most of this junk was resold :)
Q: Although Lehman is headquartered in NY since they do have operations in Florida and I reside in Florida do I have to pay the 7% Florida Sales Tax? Sep-14-08
A: the sale includes putative advice
Q: Is transfer of staff included in this package? I only ask as I don't think I could justify paying incredibly inflated salaries. Sep-14-08
A: sure you can ... we did it
Q: Can you please include a picture of the Lehman Brothers building I will be acquiring? Sep-14-08
A: at this point we are not sure we own the buildng
Q: Would you be willing to ship to Canada? How about the properties? Will that be a problem? :) Sep-14-08
A: shipping is not included. As for real estate we are not exactly sure what we own.

Lehman Brothers Ebay Auction

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